Breaking old patterning begins with… (01)
admitting where you are currently at. You must have a starting point if you want to move in another direction or continue moving forward.
“Most of my life I have struggled with emotional eating, when I learned there were ways to find comfort, other than food, I decided I needed to teach them (positive ways like self-massage, because I don’t think I’m alone in this struggle.” – Me.
I said that during a recent job interview.
After I said it, during an already shaky interview. (Note: when you aren’t confidant the job will be a good fit for you, or vice versa, things can be shaky.)
To be honest, it’s uglier than just “emotional eating.” For me, emotional eating is my cover definition for a preoccupation with food and binge eating.
I’ve always enjoyed good food. Note: I don’t believed there is anything wrong with enjoying good food. However, enjoyment is much different than being preoccupied with food.
Preoccupation with food that continues and makes you believe that you just can not stop, well, that is ugly. And unhealthy, and surprisingly, also called gluttony.
A year ago, I truly believed I had the whole binge-thing kicked to the curb. I was feeling amazing, eating a plant-based diet and not struggling with the desire to go crazy, even when I would enjoy an extra dessert now and then. I was living the dream of a healthy relationship with food.
And then I had a couple of life-fails. Even though they were not-food related, within one-week I went from feeling like the binging was behind me to it having re-established it’s place in my life.
In the past, this extreme sense of no control would end when I experienced some success, or my movement routine could pick up the extra calories. However, unlike every other time time this had happened, no success showed up to release the tension of “failing.” To add to the feeling of no control, I ended up injured and unable to burn the extra calories through added movement.
I realize now that the balance was often just a front, but in my head, it was balanced. More calories eaten were covered by more movement, and all was good. Not this time.
There are some good things that have come from this struggle. It began innocently when I was 15 or 16. After awhile I realized I really loved movement and I was fascinated with how God designed our bodies to move and heal. Because of this I have had the opportunity to help others with their own wellness journeys.
With a love for learning and teaching and moving I was able to help many people experience healing in their own bodies. With all that goodness happening, I never felt like I would need to share the flip side of my health journey.
Sure, I had shared my emotional eating with certain small, groups, but only after I thought I had beat the binge-struggle.
I didn’t want to share for two main reasons.
- It is embarrassing. I already had enough guilt about over-eating. Sharing it would lead to more shame.
- I would be held accountable if others knew my struggle. I would rather just share a photo of cookbooks that were inspiring me at the moment than admit that I was reaching for a lifeline to pull me out of my hole.
- I’m a Christian, and if I have freedom in Christ, what am I doing wrong that would cause me to still struggle with binge eating?
The second actually is harder than number one and three. If you have ever have had a struggle that always beat you, you’ll understand when I say that I quit caring when I would lose. It was more comfortable (and easier) to lose to the part of my brain than to keep fighting it, and I don’t even want to think about what happens if I fail again …
But what would happen if the failing ended?
What if I believed that anything really is possible?
It is possible, and if you have had a similar struggle, then you need to hear that you do not have to live in this cycle any longer. Yes, it will take work, but everything worthwhile takes effort.
My friends, restoration, the kind that only God can do, and make us even better than before, is possible!
” In a house there are articles not only of gold and silver, but also of wood and clay; some are for special purposes and some for common use. Those who cleanse themselves from the latter will be instruments for special purposes, made holy, useful to the Master and prepared to do any good works.”
– 2 Timothy 2:20-21
That is us! We are to be His instruments to be used for special purposes, and the time to be made holy is now.
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